The Problem With Here Is That It's Where I'm From
By Jamie KellyBook - 2007
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as a dad, his conversations with his friends go something like this:
DAD'S FRIEND: Hey.
DAD'S FRIEND: Lawnmower football.
DAD: Gas-tank football crescent-wrench plumbing.
DAD'S FRIEND: Bye.
And this is a friend he hasn't talked to in four years.
“How Superheroes Make Money:
- Spider-Man knits sweaters.
- Superman screw the lids on pickle jars.
- Iron Man, as you would suspect, just irons.”
“I'm telling you, the gorgeous of the world can actually look pretty intimidating when they scowl. Imagine a snow-white swan with a scary tattoo holding a chain saw. There's just no way to really prepare for that.”
“Love makes the world go 'round but I'm pretty sure money has to do with it, too.”
“Things Isabella Wouldn't Care About:
- Titanic sinking again.
- Metror striking Earth and landing directly on top of world's most innocent panda.
- Titanic sinking again and this time the entire crew is puppies.”
“I had the great idea of using markers to gently color the ants so I could tell them apart, but I learned that this is exactly like somebody trying to gently color on you with a thirty-story building.
Without dwelling on the tragedy, I'd just like to say that I'm deeply sorry to Mr. Purple and the surviving Purple family.”
“This means that I don't have to run faster than the psychotic-maniac-vampire-cannibal, I just have to run faster than whoever is with me when the psychotic-maniac-vampire-cannibal starts chasing us.”
“Kissing the frog to get the prince is a waste of a perfectly good frog.”
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